Fill Out Yet Another Survey? Ugh!

Remember 5 O'clock Charlie from M*A*S*H? Abysmal bombing always got a laugh from the 4077th.
5 O’clock Charlie.  Abysmal bombing always got a laugh from the 4077th.

Remember this scene from M*A*S*H?

The drone of an airplane overhead.

Then eventually … a distant ka-boom!

A flood of laughter erupts from those in the 4077th in response to a bomb blast.

Of course, this is 5 O’clock Charlie, the North Korean plane that flies over daily at the appointed hour and drops a single bomb.

It’s always off target, hopelessly so; it’s a laughable attack and then he’s gone for another day.

Oddly enough, 5 O’clock Charlie’s clumsy efforts are alive and well in marketing.

I think of Hawkeye and company chuckling manically every time I get a request like this:

Fill out a survey it will take just 10

minutes of your time. We thank

you in advance as it helps to serve

our customers better.

 Yeah right, I’m jumping to attention to do it. How about you?

It’s a bossy command, there’s nothing in it for me and it’s a stretch of the imagination to believe anyone is thankful for it. Gratitude on their part? Zero.

Moreover, I don’t care about their customers. Why should I? The only customer I care about is myself.

So wouldn’t it be more intelligent to say we’re doing this survey to serve you better?

In an era when technology lets you personalize communications this message doesn’t take the trouble to address you by name.

It’s the opposite of 1-2-1 relations and for that I’m not warming to the idea of being made to feel anonymous.

That’s why I won’t be answering 10 questions about paper towels or tell an un-named car company the first make and model of a vehicle that pops into my mind.

By the way, shouldn’t marketers be giving prospects something for taking the time to fill out a questionnaire?

Shouldn’t they prove they’re grateful by rewarding respondents with a chance to go into a draw to win something, get a value coupon, become a member of a priority club or receive a gift?

Isn’t this an opportunity to build a relationship with customers?

More to that, shouldn’t companies be asking for permission to write to you with news about product improvements or deals?

If marketers want more customer information wouldn’t regular qualitative research be a more useful route?

Wouldn’t it be better to let trained professionals dig deeper to uncover customer beliefs, prejudices, worries and needs? And in doing so gain a more accurate take on the marketplace, your product and the appeal of your competitors’ products.

This also helps avoid the answers people think companies want to hear.

With a little more commonsense, research could help formulate more effective creative messaging.

That’s messaging based on the customer version of your brand rather than the idealized boardroom version.

Beware if there happens to be a difference between the two.

That’s all from me now. I gotta go.

I have to get busy ignoring an inane survey about a recent hotel stay. Rate the pillows, 1-10.

Then I’ll be turning my back on something from a supermarket announcing a new product, grass fed beef. How can I evaluate it if I haven’t as yet tried it?

And finally I have to throw away questions from a picture framing company. They want me to pen an essay on ‘my experience’ by attaching a sheet of my own notebook paper.

It’s 5 O’clock Charlie all over again with these surveys.

Hawkeye, where are you when I need a laugh most?

Share your take on marketing thinking with us. What telling information have you uncovered from querying your customers? Thanks, Steve Ulin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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